You may think everyone is staring at you, passing judgment on a million different flaws (real or imagined). Will you be booed on stage? Find out how to identify them and how to change these distortions. Always assuming the worse case scenario, you will likely also turn little problems into big ones. What one person thinks of as perfect, another may see as flawed (whether real or imagined). To stop worrying, tackle your need for certainty and immediate answers. The reality is, some people are going to dislike you. Antidotes to Overthinking. Entrepreneur Store scours the web for the newest software, gadgets & web services. Try focusing more on living up to your own standards and less on living up to other people’s ideals. Stop caring about what other people think and actively live your life. The only way to learn how to stop overthinking for good is to take charge of your life. Moreover, assuming the worst when it comes to other’s intentions, opens the door to conflict. Here are four things you can do: You will never really know what other people are thinking unless you have mind reading superpowers. In order to stop worrying about what others think, you need to remember to love and respect yourself first. Monitor your thoughts.Think about what you thinking about. Assuming positive intent is an important contributor to quality of life. Once your thoughts start to run away from … You may not realize it, but you’re probably preoccupied with how other people perceive you. I've always found that keeping this in mind helps me to care less what others think. Look for role models you admire. "This is not a reflection of your failings; rather, it is a reflection on where the others are coming from." Assuming is an excuse to not talk to others and to act rashly because you “know” what the other person is going to do or how they will react. It's just not possible, and can only lead to feelings of failure since it can never be 100 percent achieved. When you make assumptions about how things should be, how people should act, or even what they're thinking, you are doing them and yourself a great disservice. ... you don’t have to talk much about your past, and it focuses on helping you stop the severely negative thinking. We're just guessing, and those guesses usually stem from our own insecurities. Stop worrying about their opinions--especially if they're critical, unsuccessful or unhappy. For instance, you think uncharitable thoughts about how fat your cousin has gotten and congratulate yourself on staying slim. You put others down as a way to pull up your self-esteem. Understand why you care. Copyright © 2021 Entrepreneur Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Amplify your business knowledge and reach your full entrepreneurial potential with Entrepreneur Insider’s exclusive benefits. Quit Overthinking. Get heaping discounts to books you love delivered straight to your inbox. Life is too short to allow yourself to be held back by the potential judgments of others. She would constantly remind us that sometimes doing the right thing — whether it be right in the context of a situation or simply making a decision that we know is right for us personally — won't always make us liked by others. Don’t grow up in this short life only to look back in regret, constantly asking 'why' or 'what if,'" he wrote. Otherwise, you need to try to love yourself and just not care what anybody thinks about you. This is when we get into trouble. In fact, the opposite is true. These thinking errors can be strong habits that you engage in subconsciously, and a cognitive behavioural therapist can help you address specific issues and give you the tools needed to change your thoughts for the better. Perfection is an illusion because it is subjective and changeable. All rights reserved. I spend quite a lot of time on my clothing and appearance and I bet I would do this less if I didn't judge others so harshly. By surrounding yourself with people who truly care for you, you can draw on that strength and the knowledge that you don’t need to worry about the haters. You know what, I used to suffer from this terribly not so many years ago, so if your question is from the suffering place that mine was then I totally empathise with you; it’s not a nice place to be but it can disappear quickly. Assuming: Assuming is believing that you know what others are thinking, feeling or doing without checking the facts. We want to be appreciated and liked by others. Don't try to please everyone.. In order to stop caring what others think, Thornton and Masini say you must take steps toward objectivity and develop a value system that doesn’t depend on others. You need to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. This outlook also always helps to keep things in perspective — if you don't think your office-mate likes you, or that guy behind you in line was rude, focus instead on goals or projects that bring you joy. Stop worrying if others will accept or appreciate you, and learn to accept and love yourself. Make a conscious effort to stop assuming what others may be thinking. How we got wronged by someone else. Creating a Tribe That Will Help Your Business Succeed, 10 Things You Can Do to Boost Self-Confidence, How Getting Fired Forced This Woman to Rebuild Her Confidence ... and How You Can Do the Same, Fitness Professional Jay Dang on Why Confidence Is the Key to Success, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: 4 Ways to Boost Your Confidence, 7 Powerful Public Speaking Tips From One of the Most-Watched TED Talks Speakers. Recognize that you can never truly be you, or reach your full potential, or accomplish your dreams if you live by everyone else's ideas and rules. Murcko noted that sometimes just visualizing how good this will feel encourages us to make it a reality. It’s easy to read into things, like someone’s tone of voice, facial expressions and reactions. Quit Overthinking. If you’re constantly tailoring your life to fit the expectations of others, you’re not really living your own life. It’s a … You can't control that, but you can take their opinions with a grain of salt and be affected by them less overall. We all do it, but a habit of pessimistic thoughts can wreak havoc on your life. Often people are so caught up in their own inner dialogue and worries that they aren’t really aware that the way they say something or how they handled a situation may come off wrong. If your overthinking is caused by stress at work, rethink your career path. Focusing on worst-case scenarios will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. Most of us are guilty of letting our minds get distracted, our energy sapped, or our harmony compromised by thinking about what others woulda, coulda, shoulda. Trying to be a people pleaser is going to sabotage your success and happiness. The Germans have a specific word for this—schadenfreude. 9 Better Things to Do Than Worry What Others Think About You 1. So try to let go of some of that anxiety and relax a little! Thankfully there are plenty of ways to address overthinking. Yet we all have unique perspectives and ideas, our own quirks and idiosyncrasies. Trying to be a people pleaser is going to sabotage your success and happiness. Deriving pleasure from another’s misfortune. Their actions may be screaming “poor manager” or “grumpy spouse,” but you may find their heart, and their aspirations, are absolutely in alignment with your own. Initiate a conversation if something doesn’t sit right with you. Do you sometimes think to yourself — My kids, my friends, my spouse or my significant other know that I love them. Related: Creating a Tribe That Will Help Your Business Succeed. But the alternative is wasting our valuable time and energy on things that are often out of our control. And stop letting others make decisions for you. – Lao Tzu. If you think negatively about others, try to stop doing that. "What that means is that, even if you do your best to be kind and considerate, you may still be judged negatively by others," he wrote. If you’re a highly sensitive person, this may be hard. Explore our giveaways, bundles, "Pay What You Want" deals & more. If you’re ever going to truly let go of paralyzing worry, you’re going to have to stop taking personally the actions and words of others. By constantly deferring to other people, you’re letting everyone else -- even complete strangers -- run your life. You can also meditate for 15-20 minutes every day, which will improve your ability to let go of your thoughts and help you focus on the present. On his site Uncommon Help, therapist Mike Tyrrell stressed the importance of thinking about other people's true motivations when they say something negative about you. Focus on what brings you joy. It's very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in … Conversely, sometimes doing the things that make us liked aren't always right. Founder of the life coaching site How To Live Tom Murcko said one of the best ways to stop caring so much about what other people think is to imagine what you'd be doing if you didn't have any pressures from anyone else in your life. Instead of worrying about how to make everyone else happy, consider your own internal scorecard and how you measure up to the person you want to be. You will stop obsessing and feeling like others don’t care about your feelings. So stop holding yourself to unattainable standards. Some of this is natural -- it’s part of the human condition to be self-aware and concerned about how others are perceiving us. If we just stop and do our own fact-checking before deciding that we know something, we’ll avoid the trap of false assumptions and most likely prevent a lot of unnecessary difficulties for ourselves and others. We’ll feature a different book each week and share exclusive deals you won’t find anywhere else. 10 Quotes That Will Make You Stop Caring What Others Think. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't care what other people think of me. Look for assumptions of all shapes and sizes. Elaine. Tan also stressed the importance of reminding ourselves that life is … Stop Assuming You Know What Other People Think We typically don't really know what other people are thinking. Not caring about what other people think is easier said than done. Negative thinking and cynical thinking can have negative impacts on your health and mind. This is something a teacher always told my class in high school that has stuck with me for years. stop worrying about what other people think, ask ourselves if another person's opinion should matter. You must be willing to tell people no; otherwise, you’re letting people strong-arm you into doing things you have no desire to do, simply because you feel guilty if you don’t. All you can be is you. If they're an acquaintances, random neighbor, or someone you encounter casually on the street or at a party, remind yourself that they truly cannot and will not affect your life! Stop giving other people that power over you. Work to develop deep and meaningful connections with people you trust and respect. Think of your current relationships, and define whether some of those people are feeding negative programs to your subconscious mind. Putting the Thoughts to Rest Take several deep breaths. Next time you’re tempted to assume your colleague or family won’t go along with an idea, stop. And even if someone did chuckle at your spill, chances are they'll forget about it an hour. – We can’t … Practice self-care by spending time nurturing your body and your soul. On The Feel Good Life, a site devoted to being your happiest self, guest contributor and blogger Aldan Tan wrote that it's important to remember that generally people are pretty self-absorbed. Stop deferring to everyone else.. Stop apologizing for everything, even when you … So why should I waste my valuable time and energy worrying about if everyone else likes me? There is a very simple way to stop assuming the worst in others. Will a friend be temporarily annoyed? If you’re not where you want to be in life, set goals for yourself so that you can get there. 1. Will you receive negative online feedback? Embrace your individuality. Don’t try to figure it out on your own. In fact, the opposite is true. We all have different backgrounds and personalities, and some people just aren’t going to click with you. Unpack how you came to the new thinking, and walk them through a similar process. In order to break the cycle, it's important to understand where the energy is coming from. “It’s not happening now.” Yes, it’s certainly possible that a catastrophe could occur, but it’s not … Who’s to say they’re thinking anything bad about you at all? Care about people’s approval, and you will always be their prisoner. I've spent hours of my life stressing over what coworkers think or if someone at a party didn't seem to to believe I was awesome. This means that while you might be completely mortified about falling on your face on the subway platform this morning, or are worried what people will say about your outfit tonight, odds are you're focusing on it way more than anyone else. He noted that recognizing this means you'll be more likely to let what others think or say roll of your back — because it often doesn't actually have a lot to do with you in the first place. Don’t try to cover up who you are. Circumstance Versus Character. Don't Assume You Know What Others Are Thinking and Feeling by Monica A. Frank, PhD. The problem is, it doesn’t work. But what you really need to do is stop overthinking everything. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The more relaxed you are with yourself, the less it will matter what others think because you’ll know that their opinions don’t have sway over you. So, when someone expresses an opinion about your life, it's probably not something they've given a great deal of thought to. Stop apologizing for everything, even when you did nothing wrong. Caring about whether people like us is exhausting. Fill your life with people who embody the kind of traits and characteristics you hold in high regard. Mindful Minute: How Do I Stop Assuming the Worst? Would you leave a job that makes you miserable? You should always treat others as you want to be treated, but you also need to model this behavior by treating yourself with kindness and compassion. If you're tired of stressing about whatever everybody thinks of you and want to free yourself of feeling like you need to fit into a certain mold, here are nine ways psychologists and experts say we can stop caring so freaking much about what everyone else thinks. It's impossible to live up to everyone's expectations. It’s impossible! Related: Business Lessons From Tiger Woods' Triumph at the Masters. The fact of the matter is sometimes people act out of jealousy, insecurity, or of feeling threatened. Related: 10 Powerful Ways to Master Self-Discipline. For just $5 per month, get access to premium content, webinars, an ad-free experience, and more! Klaus Vedfelt | Getty Images. Think of this as “The Golden Rule” with a twist. You can start with these nine simple, surefire ways to eliminate the worry and free yourself to be yourself. Plus, enjoy a FREE 1-year. I committed to practicing that strategy and here are 10 things I’ve discovered. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. 2021 Bustle Digital Group. Make friends with people who are nonjudgmental and open-minded, and who practice respect for themselves and others. Put things into a wider perspective. It’s likely something they did unintentionally. Realize that your innate worth is completely separate from how “perfect” you are. Accept your differences and become comfortable in your own skin. Finally tell a person that you have feelings for them? Or worse, sometimes I've actively adjusted or altered aspects of myself or life to fit into other people's expectations — like when I switched my major in college because my mom didn't approve of the one I had chosen. Cognitive distortions, or distorted thinking, causes people to view reality in inaccurate, often negative, ways. In a piece for Psychology Today, psychologist Raj Raghunathon reminded us that hurt people often hurt people. Trying to be someone you aren’t will leave you feeling unfulfilled. Stop asking people what they think of you. Use this knowledge to release you from caring about what everyone thinks, because if you do you will always find something or someone to worry about. I understand that the data I am submitting will be used to provide me with the above-described products and/or services and communications in connection therewith. November is all about cultivating an attitude of gratitude. They spend more time focused on their own insecurities, worries and inner dialogue than actually thinking about others. Those are the people who really matter to you, and they’ll have your back, as you have theirs. Once you start to realize that people are fixated on their own issues and insecurities, it will be easier to stop worrying so much about what other people think of you. Nothing good will ever come from fixating on what you think other people are thinking about you. Sign up here for my free, monthly newsletter. Related: Want to Be Successful? Image credit: There’s no room for them in your life anyway. Most of all, stop letting people take advantage of you. Spend your time and energy living your life the best way you can, and consider how to best use your talents, gifts and abilities to make the world and people around you better. It’s time to put their thoughts out of your mind. You can either choose to believe how others see you, or you can decide for yourself who you are and what you’ll become. What most people think of as perfect has to do with their goals or desires -- so you may have an entirely different perspective on perfection. Keep In Mind That Life's Short. This is why you’ll never be able to please everyone else as well as yourself. When you walk into a room, do you automatically feel everyone’s eyes on you? Don’t waste time hanging on to those people who expect you to conform to their wishes or ideas. Trying to attain perfection is a fruitless pursuit. "Don’t hold back by caring about what others think. People are generally more preoccupied with themselves than with others. Here are four steps to help you stop worrying about what other people think, designed to help you maintain healthier and happier relationships with yourself and others. So give them the benefit of the doubt. We need to stop assuming that the rude people of the world are personally targeting us. Love yourself including your faults. In another Psychology Today piece, Dr. Fredric Nueman wrote that we should always ask ourselves if another person's opinion should matter to us in the first place when we're starting to feel insecure. And then every now and then it hits me: if I'm being totally honest, I don't like everyone I encounter in life either. The choice is yours. So, instead of assuming the worst, assume the best. You can never expect to have satisfying relationships or a sense of peace when you always feel like others are not treating you well. Stop right there! ... Other Meredith Sites. Have the courage to determine for yourself your own measure for excellence; that’s the measuring stick you should apply instead of an arbitrary sense of perfection. If you know you can get through the "worst case" (which may not even happen), then you'll be way more likely to go through with whatever it is. When you do this, you’re diminishing and discrediting yourself. After all, a lot of the time someone's feelings about us are out of our control. The act of writing can often lead to additional clarity, where you might see the other assumptions surrounding the one you’ve recognised. Tan also stressed the importance of reminding ourselves that life is short. To stop thinking too much, try exercising whenever you're overthinking something, which can help take your mind off whatever it is you're thinking about. 6 Ways To Stop Judging. Want to Be Successful? You’re living some version of a life you think others will approve of. Feel how freeing it is to let go of that worry. Most people are far too absorbed with everything they have going on to really notice you. The same Chicago Tribune piece also reminded us of the fact that we can simply never please everyone or be liked by all people, and if we try we're going to end up over-extended and exhausted (and still probably won't be liked by everyone). It's... 2.
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