"Slow down," she says. Knowing how to stop overthinking in a relationship can save you from making critical mistakes that ruin attraction and sabotage the longevity of your relationship. Overthinking or overanalyzing a can bring a relationship to a screeching halt before it ever gets off the ground! If it’s the second one, then you’ll need to see if it’s really a relationship worth pursuing. Close to the top, I at all times felt like I used to be doing one thing incorrect. Talk to your partner – The best method to stop overthinking in a relationship, no doubt, is to talk with your partner. For instance, you might ask them how they feel about you and they respond with a, "You know how I feel." Is the kissy face emoji too much? The information on this website is intended for entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional, medical or healthcare advice or diagnosis, and may not be used as such. If you want to break out the cycle, Osborn suggests to set a boundary of time around how long you'll dissect the aspect of the relationship you're overthinking. What usually sparks your habit of overthinking? People in all aspects of their lives suffer from thinking too much. But this behavior harms relationships because "it creates a continual pull back into the past." Elizabeth Aram, Licensed Clinical Psychologist. If the relationship is not working out, move on. 9 Tips to Stop Overthinking in Relationships. Get in the habit of saying the word “bigger” to yourself if you go into thought overdrive. From there, think about how you want to seek support or comfort. (30 Experts Share Their Best Advice). The most powerful way to manage to overthinking is with writing or Mindfulness. Should I lead with "Hey," "Hi" or "Hello"? But according to experts, there's no need to worry too much. If you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts, try shifting your focus to your breathing. Share on. If you are busy yourself, seeing friends, playing sports or music, then you are much less likely to overthink. There's always this underlying anxiety and questioning about whether your partner really wants you like they say they do. And if you’re not present, how can you possibly grow in your relationship?". 5 Ways to stop overthinking in a relationship 1. You’re analyzing all the things that could go wrong… “What if my family doesn’t like her? You get the idea! It’s normal to overthink from time to time, we all do it. You always need to ask yourself – is it my own fear of rejection that is making me overthink and feel this way? Are the thoughts you’re dwelling on situational or chronic in nature? Overthinking your relationship just happens, especially when you really like someone and you want it to work out. Self awareness is the first step to stop overthinking in a relationship. How do you stop overthinking? We support our readers with informative reporting and thorough research to help you find the best ways to improve your life. What kind of vacations will we take together? 1) Connect to your feelings. Try instead to communicate better and understand why you need to overthink things, otherwise, you are putting your relationship at risk . If you feel the need to spin, it’s OK to allow yourself a set amount of time to do it. What would be a fun birthday gift to get her? Antidotes to Overthinking Thankfully there are plenty of ways to address overthinking. First things first. You’ll find yourself needing that block of time less and less. Be in the present moment and be grateful. We look to categorise things because it makes us feel more certain and therefore less anxious. Your relationship will end, but you’ll still have your job, your friends, your hobbies, and everything else that contributes to your happiness. To have a great relationship, we must get out of our minds. I can sympathize with you. "You can go down a spiraling rabbit hole if you allow your mind to wander into unknown territory," Dr. Stubbs says. If you feel there’s a moral dilemma in any way, then most likely there is one. ALSO READ: 10 Ways to Build and Maintain Trust in a Relationship. If we’re anxious or unconfident in our ability to maintain a positive relationship, we may think controlling every aspect is the only way to realise a happy partnership. Sometimes, just saying what you are thinking out loud and listening objectively to your thoughts can support you in poking holes in their viability and recalibrating the situation. Living in the moment has become a commonly-used phrase but that is because there is truth in its impact. By writing them down, and giving yourself some time to reflect on these thoughts, you bring some objectivity to the equation. Sometimes, you may not even realize you're doing it. Overthinking your relationship has made you a captive of your own mind, and the key is to express your thoughts. … Does it help you understand central concerns you have regarding your relationship? Audrey Hope, Certified Addiction and Trauma Therapist and Relationship Expert. When you're looking for a sense of security that your partner really loves you, looking for outside validation may create more worry. Savor the relationship. Knowing how to stop overthinking isn’t an innate gift. You need to be able to recognize the behavior in order to change it. Relationships thrive on consistency and communication. In other words, if you think of the relationship as a whole, are the things you are overthinking about all that important to the overall dynamic? Instead of worrying so much about what your partner really is or isn't thinking about you or the relationship, fall back in love with yourself. Develop Awareness of the Thoughts. It’s unsettling and unnerving. How to: Stop Overthinking a Relationship. Stop overthinking, Before it ends your relationship forever. Does it stay or does it go? In my experience, the most effective way to stop overthinking is by SHARING your fears with someone else and having them fully get you. To limit overthinking, understand what is and isn’t in your control. "One is the controller personality that pretty much overthinks everything. "The key is distinguishing when it’s a once-in-a-while occurrence from when it’s becoming a serious problem and can shatter even the strongest relationships.". I used to use them when I had problems sleeping too. • Focus on your life purpose and what brings you joy and take your attention off of relationships and your need for another to fill your life. Whilst overthinking can cause problems in any area of your life, it’s in romantic relationships that it tends to manifest itself most often, and where it can wreak some serious havoc. Acceptance . 3) Focus on the present. 3) Tune into gratitude. You support us through our chosen links, which sometimes earn us an affiliate commission. "Focus on the present," couples therapist, Dr. Alisha Powell, PhD, tells Bustle. Give your worried mind some respite by reflecting / journaling what you are grateful for. If this is the case, both of you can do your part in fixing this. You might have some traumas from your past that are triggering you. Stop overthinking. Practice Honesty. This is subconscious, of course. It may be hard to slow down and just let things happen as they come, but it may be worth it in the end. While it is a habit, it is a breakable one. The tendency to overthink usually comes from a place of previous hurt, licensed marriage and family therapist, Anna Osborn, MA, LPCC, LMFT, tells Bustle. Wondering how to stop overthinking and worrying about everything? We’re can all find ourselves overthinking and overanalyzing things from time to time. Here are 12 long distance relationship tips. It can be as easy as having too much time on your hands. Harping on similar musings may even expand your danger of certain emotional wellness conditions, concurring. *** To overcome overthinking and stop worrying you must take action. 6. Overthinking may have been the reason that past relationships of yours have ended, even if that particular thought never entered your slightly over-wrought mind. The more you breathe, the calmer you’ll feel. If you’re overthinking in a relationship, it’s possible you’re putting way too much worth on someone else’s opinions or happiness in comparison to yours. It’s like your mind has had too many cups of coffee and won’t stop gabbing away, except the thoughts are often dark, dramatic, and relentless. If you keep imagining things that your partner may be doing while he or she’s miles away from you, you might end up feeling mad, jealous, … Randi Levin, Transitional Life Strategist. When You Start A New Relationship, It's Easy To Think About Every Little Detail. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. When feelings are involved, our judgement can often get cloudy, so having a third party that is unbiased is helpful. Enlisting the services of a great coach, mentor, or therapist can also be a great strategy. Overthinking. And if you ever spent half an hour trying to decode a simple text from them to find some sort of hidden meaning, you could be overanalyzing in that respect, too. Maybe it’s a combination of these strategies? Believe that you are a great catch and that if your person is really the right one for you, she will agree and there’s nothing special you need to do. When in doubt, be your best self and trust that others will recognize that. When that happens, try to look at the logical side of the situation. Breathe and learn to trust. Overthinking is defined as the act of thinking about something too much, in a way that is not useful. People who are anxious about their relationship, because it is new, or something’s gone sideways, or they think this might be the one, are prone to spending a lot of time obsessing about the direction of the relationship. So, instead of overthinking about how to stop overthinking in a relationship, try to be mindful and present in the moment. Overthinking is a thief. First thing you need to understand that your priority should be you. Once your thoughts start to run away from you, take a few deep breaths. When it comes to overthinking in a relationship, most people can translate the word ‘overthinking’ to ‘worrying’. Force yourself to think about this quickly, it’s not an opportunity to continue overthinking. After speaking with the father and my son, I've decided to check myself into a mental health facility, I don't think I'm coping very well with much and I need help. When you're stuck, you might reach out to friends or family for advice to try to find a way out of those feelings of hurt or insecurity. Live free in your own happiness and let go of worrying about who sits beside you. "You might be overthinking your relationship because you have unclear communication," relationship expert Dr. Megan Stubbs tells Bustle. It’s hard to stop overthinking in a relationship. Learn to Let Go of Control. The next time you’re overthinking about something, ask yourself will this matter in one day from now, one month from now or one year from now? Anna Morgenstern, Dating coach and Matchmaker. "It’s totally normal to be excited and anxious about a new potential relationship but overthinking can also lead to its distraction.". Why is this action making you feel insecure? Whatever you put out, comes back. Do not commit to a person you are not sure you can fully trust. Kathy Nickerson, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Expert. It takes determination – but it also takes the right set of tools. Most people feel a little insecure about their relationship at some point, especially in the early stages of dating and forming a commitment. Annie Hsueh, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, If you’re reading this article, you are likely looking for ways to stop overthinking, so it might be counterintuitive for me to tell you to stop telling yourself that you need to stop “overthinking.”. Add a healthy new hobby to your life such as meditation, yoga, hiking, volunteering, anything that keeps you busy and adds a level of gratitude and happiness into your life. One of the many demons that keep us awake at night. The best thing to do here is to find a distraction that should stop you from your overthinking. Whatever the issue might be, if you know it was a problem in your last relationship, take the time to work through it, so that it doesn’t pop up this time around. The first thing you can do to stop over thinking is to accept that you are an overthinking. One tip I always tell people is to slow down. What I tend to do is set a timer for 2 – 5 minutes, I sit down and think about everything that is bothering me. "Instead of always thinking about what the future holds and the end goal of the relationship, take time to enjoy whatever phase you’re in currently.". Take Things at Face Value/Focus on Facts. Fortunately, chronic overthinking and worrying about things doesn’t have to be permanent in your life. Trust yourself and others. In short, it keeps you feeling stuck. Find the root cause of your Overthinking Photo by Min An from Pexels. Look for evidence from your unique situation – what did he/she actually say? Did an image of a white bear just come to your mind? You can only be yourself, and whether your partner continues to desire you is down to them. "I’ve gained the deepest sense of peace and fulfillment through nurturing the core relationship that I have with myself, and learning to listen and trust my own intuition." But if you’re constantly over-analyzing your relationship, it’s going to take its toll on you and your partner. But staying grounded and connected to yourself and your breathing is key. Luckily there are a few great ways to stop what I call ‘The Spin’. Past relationship failures, or inconsistent communication often herald fears in regard to compatibility or long-haul viability and instead of creating a closer bond, overthinking tends to destroy and break down relationships. Learn to Self-Soothe. Sometimes, getting professional advice and having someone to talk to without judgment can be the best solution to overthinking a relationship. If you’re finding it hard to implement these strategies on your own, or if these strategies aren’t fully resolving your issues, I highly recommend seeking psychotherapy so that a professional can help assess your concerns and guide you towards meeting your goals. If you don’t hear from them for a few hours? You begin looking at every action under a microscope, and not only is it time-consuming and exhausting, but it could do actual damage to the relationship if you let those thoughts take over, so it’s important keep things in perspective. When you are too concerned about yourself and your relationship level, you don’t make it hard for yourself only , but also make it worse for your partner, too. The result is that one or both parties live in the future, anticipating events that may not ever take place. You can talk and eventually you might realize that your poisonous thoughts were simply there for no good reason. It’s impossible to be perfect in a relationship. Overthinking is a natural symptom of stress and anxiety. According to Pailet, people who overthink don't typically trust that what they see and experience is the whole truth. A pattern of overthinking in relationships is typical of anxious attachment styles. All rights reserved. Take several deep breaths. Read more about what we do. The fastest way to break this cycle is to hire a relationship-specific coach or therapist to address what happened in childhood. HumanWindow is the new wellness, lifestyle and personal development destination founded with the sole purpose of helping you to get the best out of life. With that in mind, here are some of my tips on managing and dealing with overthinking in relationships. "As such, they engage in a cycle of overanalyzing situations because they haven’t learned to tune in and trust their emotional signals.". If you want to fully pull a problem out of your life, you have to go to its roots. The easiest strategy to change this pattern is to replace worrying with positive self talk. Understand your partner’s situation and listen to their opinion, too. What evidence is there that your thought is true? Many people who are able to control their emotions and avoid getting stuck in a spiral of overthinking and anxiety have developed these skills over time. If they say you are just 'keeping things casual' and you both don't know what the definition of that is, ask for clarification. Communicate how you’re feeling to your significant other. And if you’re spending the bulk of your time thinking about what could happen, or what something might have meant, or what you should have done, then it’s time to make some changes. In other words, you've probably thought of all the different kind of "what If" scenarios you can possibly think of. Make a list of your values, boundaries and preferred self-care activities. Typically it shows us as a pattern of worrying about the status of a relationship, which sometimes causes panic and a fear of being abandoned. This objectivity helps you to see what is really going on and decide on the right course of action. When you've been hurt in a previous relationship (or hurt in the existing relationship), it makes it harder to trust what's right in front of you. "The other is the individual who leans towards insecurity.